Like a lot of people, especially women my age, I wrestle with that nagging question. “Am I good enough?”
And to take that one step further, the next question I’d ask myself would be, “How will I know when I am good enough?”
This has haunted me my entire life.
As a child I always wanted to be perfect. I never wanted to be the one who started fights with siblings, the one who left food on her plate or the one who kept an untidy room. I assumed if I was the perfect child that I’d be good enough. Unfortunately for me those practices turned me into a food binging, resentful (at times), neurotic adult.
While I was chasing my career as a dancer, I never felt thin enough, talented enough, tall enough, noticed enough. (Enter my physical insecurities.)
As a Mom I never felt prepared enough, involved enough or patient enough. (Parental guilt is an awful thing to live with.)
My life as a career woman was no different. I never felt smart enough, educated enough or appreciated enough. (Ah, the things I may have tried if only I had felt smart enough to take a chance.)
It seems to me that I have spent the last 52 years plagued with these insecurities and that there could be no possible way I would ever feel like I was good enough. At anything.
Today is my 53rd birthday and I’m here to say enough is enough. I am good enough. I am plenty smart enough, loving enough, caring enough, industrious enough and strong enough.
And so are you. Let’s refuse to let another precious day slip by feeling that we’re not “anything” enough because that simply isn’t true.
Will I ever feel like I’m good enough? At times probably not. But that’s okay. As long as I know that each and every day I will try to be the very best me, then that will have to be good enough. And not just for everyone else but for me as well.
So while I sit here not feeling young enough (any more), I will kick back have some birthday cake (just a small piece because I’m really not feeling thin enough) and be grateful that I have made it to celebrate another year and in that this year I will have the opportunity to try and finally be good enough.
(Was this blog post long enough???)